Camping Tips

      Lint from your navel makes a handy fire starter. Warning: Remove
      lint from navel before applying the match.

      Get even with a bear who raided your food bag by kicking his
      favorite stump apart and eating all the ants.

      A hot rock placed in your sleeping bag will keep your feet warm. A
      hot enchilada works almost as well, but the cheese sticks between
      your toes.

      The best backpacks are named for national parks or mountain ranges.
      Steer clear of those named for landfills.

      While the Swiss Army Knife has been popular for years, the Swiss
      Navy Knife has remained largely unheralded. Its single blade
      functions as a tiny canoe paddle.

      Modern rain suits made of fabrics that "breathe" enable campers to
      stay dry in a downpour. Rain suits that sneeze, cough, and belch,
      however, have been proven to add absolutely nothing to the
      wilderness experience.

      You'll never be lost if you remember that moss always grows on the
      north side of your compass.

      You can duplicate the warmth of a down-filled bedroll by climbing
      into a plastic garbage bag with several geese.

      The canoe paddle, a simple device used to propel a boat, should
      never be confused with a gnu paddle, a similar device used by
      Tibetan veterinarians.

      When camping, always wear a long-sleeved shirt. It gives you
      something to wipe your nose on.

      Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo camping. Shine
      a flashlight into one ear. If the beam shines out the other ear, do
      not go into the woods alone.

      A two-man pup tent does not include two men or a pup.

      A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an excellent side
      dish. A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes an excellent
      hockey puck.

      In emergency situations, you can survive in the wilderness by
      shooting small game with a slingshot made from the elastic waistband
      of your underwear.

      The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes
      excellent kindling.

      The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for generations. The
      sight of a bald man, however, does absolutely nothing for the eagle.

      It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation on a winding
      mountain road behind a large motor home.

      Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers in grizzly
      country. The tricky part is getting them on the bears.

      When using a public campground, a tuba placed on your picnic table
      will keep the campsites on either side vacant.

      In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood can be used to
      strangle a snoring tent mate.