"Camping Tips"
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You can compress the diameter of your rolled
up sleeping bag by running over it with your car.

Take this simple test to see if you qualify for solo
camping. Shine a flashlight into one ear. If the beam
shines out the other ear, do not go into the woods
alone.

A two-man pup tent does not include two men or
a pup.

A potato baked in the coals for one hour makes an
excellent side dish.

A potato baked in the coals for three hours makes
an excellent hockey puck.

You can start a fire without matches by eating
Mexican food, then breathing on a pile of dry sticks.

In emergency situations, you can survive in the
wilderness by shooting small game with a slingshot
made from the elastic waistband of your underwear.

The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite
makes excellent kindling.

A large carp can be used for a pillow.

Check the washing instructions before purchasing
any apparel to be warn camping. Buy only those
that read "Beat on a rock in stream."

The sight of a bald eagle has thrilled campers for
generations. The sight of a bald man, however,
does absolutely nothing for the eagle.

It's entirely possible to spend your whole vacation
on a winding mountain road behind a large motor
home.

Effective January 1, 2001, you will actually have to
enlist in the Swiss Army to get a Swiss Army Knife.

Bear bells provide an element of safety for hikers
in grizzly country. The tricky part is getting them
on the bears.

In an emergency, a drawstring from a parka hood
can be used to strangle a snoring tent mate.