A man tells a reporter his story

"In retrospect, I admit it was unwise to try to gain access to my house
via the cat flap," Gunther Burpus admitted to reporters in Bremen,
Germany. "I suppose that the reason they're called cat flaps, rather than
human flaps, is because they're too small for people, and perhaps I should
have realized that."

Burpus, a forty-one year old gardener from Bremen, was relating how he had
become trapped in his own front door for two days, after losing his house
keys. "I got my head and shoulders through the flap, but became trapped
fast around the waist. At first, it all seemed rather amusing. I sang
songs and told myself jokes. But then I wanted to go to the lavatory. I
began shouting for help, but my head was in the hallway so my screams were
muffled.

After a few hours, a group of students approached me but, instead of
helping, they removed my trousers and pants, painted my buttocks bright
blue, and stuck a daffodil between my cheeks. Then they placed a sign next
to me which said 'Germany resurgent, an essay in street art. Please give
generously' and left me there."

"People were passing by and, when I asked for help, they just said 'very
good! Very clever!' and threw coins into my trousers. No one tried to free
me. In fact, I only got free after two days because a dog started licking
my private parts and an old woman complained to the police. They came and
cut me out, but arrested me as soon as I was freed. Luckily they've now
dropped the charges, and I collected over DM3,000 in my underpants, so the
time wasn't entirely wasted."  


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