Top 10 New Additions to the Rules of Golf

1. It's OK to test the green's surface before putting. Fondle it, nuzzle it, have a relationship with it...we don't care.
2. If Tiger Woods is leading the tournament after 3 days, you must put down your clubs and leave quietly. 

3. If you accidentally nudge your ball off the tee, Trembling Tommy, it counts. Better snort some Valium
4. The yuppie in the designer togs and expensive graphite clubs shall incur no penalty, but shall spend the after life in polyester from Target and drive a used Pinto.

5. If you bore everyone with a shot-by-shot account of your round, you will be hanged at the 19th hole with a sock in your mouth.
6. Stadler-Lewinsky Rule: wearing kneepads shall not be considered building a stance. 

7. Alzheimer's Rule: if you cannot find your ball within 5 minutes, check the ballwasher. 
8. You may not make any stroke with the aid of artificial devices, except for voluptuous implants.

9. A ball that breaks into pieces counts as one stroke. Next time, play a ball that isn't so cheap, Mr. K-Mart close-out special. 
10.Dung in a bunker is a natural object and may not be moved, unless it's your own

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