A collection of jokes  

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A boy, frustrated with all the rules he had to follow, asked his
father, "Dad, how soon will I be old enough to do as I please?"

The father answered immediately, "I don't know. No male has lived
that long yet."
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*ring* *ring*

"Hello?" Hearing only heavy breathing on the line, the woman repeated,
"Hello?"

"I'll bet you want me to come into your bedroom," a male voice whispered
huskily, "...undress you, lick you from head to toe and make love to you
until morning."

"Geez," the woman replied, "you can tell all that from two hello's?"
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Cynthia was at her blonde friend's house the other day, and she said, "You
know, I have to ask, why do you have that huge picture of yourself above
your bathroom sink?"

To which the blonde replied, "Well, my bathroom mirror broke and I didn't
want to buy another one."
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A man is out, driving happily along in his car late one Saturday
evening. Before too long, the cops pull him over.

The policeman walks up to the man and asks, "Have you been
drinking, sir?"

"Why? Was I weaving all over the road?"

"No," replied, the policeman, "you were driving splendidly......."

"It was the ugly fat chick in the passenger seat that gave you away."
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"It's just a cold," the doctor said. "There is no cure, and
you'll just have to live with it until it goes away."
        "But Doctor," the patient whined, "it's making me so
miserable."
        The doctor rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. Then he
said, "Look, go home and take a hot bath. Then put a bathing
suit on and run around the block three or four times."
        "What!" the patient exclaimed. "I'll get pneumonia!"
        "We have a cure for pneumonia," the doctor said.
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A newcomer to the political scene was campaigning in the
backwoods for the office of assemblyman. Outside a ramshackle
house, he saw a young man milking a cow. He approached the
man, ready to make his pitch for a vote.
        Just as he was getting started, an old man called from
inside the house. "Luke, get in the house. And who is that
guy you're talking to?"
        "Says he's a politician, Pop," Luke said.
        "In that case, you'd better bring the cow inside with you."
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Embarrassing Moments
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An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage
insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me,
and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my
6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and
handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
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While the bar patron savored a double martini, an attractive woman sat
down next to him. The bartender served her a glass of orange juice, and
the man turned to her and said, "This is a special day. I'm
celebrating." "I'm celebrating, too," she replied, clinking glasses
with him. "What are you celebrating?" he asked. "For years I've been
trying to have a child," she answered, "today my gynecologist told me
I'm pregnant!" "Congratulations," the man said, lifting his glass. "As
it happens, I'm a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were
infertile. But today they're finally fertile." "How did it happen?" "I
switched cocks." "What a coincidence," she said, smiling "That's
exactly what I did!"
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