Another collection of jokes  

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My wife and I were talking about the similarities between my two
sons even though they have different mothers. There is a 12 year
difference between them 7 and 19, then it hit me, I told her the
only difference I could see was the letter "B sound"!

"What?" she said.

I replied, "One is learning to read and the other is learning
to breed."

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Q: Who was the famous artist with brown fingers?
A: Pic-ass-o.
  
Q: Have you heard the new song that Elton John and Michael Jackson
   wrote?
A: It's called: "Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me"
  
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Yo momma so dumb she thought a quarter back is a refund

Your mama's so ugly when she walked into a haunted house she came back out
with an application.

Yo momma is so ugly she made an onion cry

yo momma is so stupid she got ran over by a parked car

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A man is laying on the operating table, about to be operated on
by his son, the surgeon.

The father says, "Son, think of it this way... If anything
happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."
  
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confuscious say:
man in shower playing with tool not necessarily plumber
  
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New Home Cloning Kit Instructions:
Go f*ck yourself.
  
There will be a new soft drink on the market soon that will
contain Viagra.
They're gonna call it "Mount 'N Do."
  
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"I'm beginning to think that my lawyer is too interested in
making money."

"Why do you say that?"

"Listen to this from his bill: 'For waking up at night and
thinking about your case: $250'."
  
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Q: Did you hear about the Polish Special Forces?

A: They raided Macy's because they heard Bed Linen was on the
4th floor.

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Wife: "The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie."
Husband: "Oh? And which is this?"

What's the best part of a blow-job when you're married?
The few minutes of silence.

Why can't witches have babies?
Because their husbands have hollow-weenies
  
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A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him,
an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond
ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it.

"This is the Klopman diamond," she said. "It is beautiful,
but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."

"What's the curse?" the man asked.

"Mr. Klopman."
  
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