A collection of jokes  

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A guy walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, I can't stop
singing the 'Green, Green Grass of Home'."

"Sounds like you have Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

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A guy walks into a doctor's office with a lettuce leaf sticking
out of his ass.

Doctor says, "Hmmmm, that's strange."

The guy replies, "That's just the tip of the iceberg."

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A guy walks into a doctor's office with a strawberry growing out
of his head.

Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

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A man's four-year old son came home from Sunday school. When
he asked him what he'd learned that day, the boy was quiet for
a minute and then said, "Dad, have any of the men in our family
had their penises criticized?"

The father laughed and told him the term was 'circumcised',
but the answer was still yes.

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"The new candies get their names from things people exclaim,
like, "Bonkers!" or "Nerds!" And I got to thinking...wouldn't
it be funny if they based a line of candy on something my dad
exclaims frequently? I don't know about you, but I'd get a kick
out of candy called, 'Where's the Damned Scotch!'"
     ---Bob Oshack

"My orgies are like the Special Olympics. Lot's of drooling,
but everybody's a winner."
     ---Matt Weinhold

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"It's not me who can't keep a secret it's the people I tell that can't."
     ---Abe Lincoln

Only in America can a poor black boy (Michael Jackson)
grow up to be a rich white woman.

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I was in a gas station the other day and a man was getting gas
and he was smoking a cigarette. I went inside to pay for my gas.
The man outside somehow caught his arm on fire. He came running
inside the store, and the clerk shot him. I asked the clerk why
he shot the man and he said, "He had a fire arm!"

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The U. S. Military fitted an F-16 fighter jet with spray nozzels
and a big tank filled with liquid Viagra and sprayed it all over
Afganistan and within five minutes the little prick popped right up!

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When Diane found out she was pregnant, she told the good news to
anyone who would listen. But her 4-year-old son overheard some
of her parents' private conversations. One day when Diane and
her 4-year-old were shopping a woman asked the little boy if he
was excited about the new baby.

"Yes!" the 4-year-old said, "and I know what we are going to
name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call her Christina,
and if it's another boy we're going to call it quits!"

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My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market.
I went and looked around and couldn't find any.

So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These
vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any
poisonous chemicals?"

"The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to
do that yourself."

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