Why Men Can't Win
=--=
If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.
If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off
   your butt and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism.
If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.
If you don't, you're insensitive.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.
If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.
If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist.
If you're not, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.
If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore.

If Men Planned Weddings...
=--=
There would be a "Rehearsal Dinner Kegger" until the cops showed up.

Bridesmaids would wear matching blue jean cutoffs and halter tops.

They would have NO tan lines and more skin showing than not.

Tuxes would have team logos on the back and the Nike shoes would have
matching team colors.

June weddings would be scheduled around basketball play-offs. Vows
would mention cooking and sex specifically, but omit that "forsaking all
others" part.

The couple would leave the ceremony in a souped up '73 Charger or some
other Mopar with racing tires and flame designs on the side of the car.

Better yet, a Harley!

Idiots who tried to dance with the bride (unless they were really old)
would get punched in the head.


Outdoor weddings would be held during sporting events at half-time or
between innings.

Ceremonies would be short and honeymoons would be long. Ceremonies and
honeymoons would be inexpensive compared to the cost of the bachelor party.
The cost of strippers and liquor really do add up.


Instead of a sit-down dinner or a buffet, there would be a hog roast or
buckets of chicken, pizza and plenty of bar-b-que.

No one would bother with that "Veil Routine". But they would insist
that the garter be as high up on her leg as it could go.