Top 10 Tipoffs Your Opponent is a Cheater

1. Like Seigfried and Roy, he throws a smoke bomb and his lost ball suddenly appears
2. That weird stain on his ball? Shoe polish.

3. You discover his initials, J.T., stand for Jive Turkey.
4. His shafts are juiced with pine tar and flubber.

5. When you turn your back, he slathers mud on your ball with a Spackle knife
6. If he has the same painful leg condition as Casey Martin, how come after every birdie he break dances on the green? 

7. He asks if he can examine your clubs, then leaves a slimy layer of Vaseline on your grips
8. Claims he's exempt from the 14-club limit "cuz I choked on a gook land mine in Nam."

9. When you ask him what he shot, he screams like Jack Nicholson, "YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!" 
10.That bulge under his pants leg? The Wile E. Coyote Golf Ball Dispenser by Acme.

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